Everybody's a genius. Every one of you "Twin Peaks" fans out there is absolutely positive you know who killed Laura Palmer even though there's no guarantee the murderer will be revealed in this week's season finale. Here is a survey from around the nation of popular scenarios for the outcome:
During a tryst at One-Eyed Jacks, lewd hotelier Benjamin Horne spilled his guts to Laura about his plot with Josie Packard to torch the sawmill and kill Catherine Martell. Realizing his mistake, he offers Laura and Ronette Pulaski (remember her?) a ride home from their jobs at the perfume counter. He bumps off Laura and rapes Ronette for kicks.
Pie-addled G-man Dale Cooper can't sleep because of coffee addiction and roams the night in search of unwary women. Living by a strict, Puritan code, he is unable to love a real woman, so has erotic conversations with his tape recorder and revenges himself on young temptresses like Laura.
The breather in the bushes is Laura's father, Leland. Seeing Madeleine in the blond wig, he thinks Laura has come back to life. Tears of joy? No, rage-because he killed her. Seeing Laura at One-Eyed Jacks, his mind snapped and he slew his beloved daughter-turned-hooker in a fit of Freudian fury.
Laura isn't really dead. Recall, if you will, the 1944 Gene Tierney movie "Laura" - is that irony, or what? - in which the supposedly murdered heroine turned up alive later on. Laura's stalker was Waldo Lydecker; the vet on Twin Peaks is named Bob Lydecker and the bird is named Waldo. Plus, Madeleine could easily be Laura and vice versa. Don't bet against it.